The Smith Army Spotters
by Kitsune-Chan 8
Summary: The Smith Army Spotters Guide, repackaged as a conversation between two friends who are also origenal characters. Slightly Alternative Universe, more details inside.


Untitled, or "Is it just me, or is something WRONG with that guy?"  
  
Kale and Brindle, pod-borns, best friends and all but brothers are having a spirited conversation about a certain Matrix virus and his effect on people. This story happens in a slightly alternative universe where the sequels happen over several weeks rather then three days.  
  
Kale: So, do you think the rumors are true, that some Agent went loco and now he can take over freed minds?  
  
Brindle: Man, I don't *think* these rumors're true, I *know* they are. I mean, have you heard all those weird reports coming from the medical wing? Man, it's bad enough that Neo has to deal with fanatic worshippers, now he has to deal with an army of killer stalkers as well! That guy should be more careful about who leaves what on his doorstep... (Shudder) that gives me the creeps, some psychotic Agent able to take over your mind, even if you're unplugged...  
  
Kale: (Shudder) If that's true, then *anyone* could be infected! (He gives Brindle a Look) YOU could be infected! Quick, use a contraction in a sentence! (Makes a move as if to punch Brindle) Dodge this!!  
  
Brindle: (Laughs) If I really were infected, I'd (there! A contraction!) be calling you (annoying voice) "MISter TalLOWMAN," and I'd be talking like this Captain Kali: (annoyingly superior voice) "SO.... You are the *Captain* of... you call this a *ship*?"  
  
Kale: (Laughs) Captain Kali would've tossed you in the brig just for being irritating! Ha ha, let's see, what else... Oh! You wouldn't be quite as scruffy looking; you'd've found some business-suit looking clothes and slicked your hair back the first chance you got so you'd look more, you know, "professional!"  
  
Brindle: *Aghast* What?! And ruin my perfectly coiffed spikes and individual style?! Naw, I think the psycho would be too obsessed with Neo to worry about his hair; Neo, Neo, Neo, that's all they'd ever talk about! If the infected person is guy, that'd be weird... especially to his girlfriend!  
  
Kale: *Laughing hysterically and imitating a woman's voice* "Honey, you never pay attention to me anymore! All you ever talk about is Neo! What's he got that I haven't got?!" Oh man...  
  
Brindle: *Snickering* Yeah; for one thing, the virus-dude would never go to a dance in the Great Hall, EVER, unless Neo's there, of course. He probably wouldn't even know how to dance anyway, and he'd be too busy following Neo! Like, if Neo's taking a walk at night, the virus dude'd be taking a walk as well... With a knife, ten feet away and hidden in the shadows!  
  
Kale: But since Neo's the One, everything they try to do to kill him is automatically doomed to failure. That guy's practically bulletproof!  
  
Brindle: Yeah, there'd always be *something* to stop your plans: Hidden bomb in a cupcake: Neo's gone on a diet. Knife in back: He turns just at the last second. Ambushing him: Someone calls out their name every time...  
  
Kale: Yup! Man, nothing can get that guy! Oh, hey look--!  
  
(They spot Bane, who is wearing his dress uniform for no apparent reason. He looks irritated , he's glaring at everyone and muttering curses under his breath...)  
  
Bane: ...Are a plague... Oh... Hello there... Would any of you... guys... happen to have a knife on you? I seem to have lost mine...  
  
Kale: Uh, no. (gives Bane a Look, then gives Brindle a Look) Hey! Where've you been for the last few days?  
  
Bane: Er, I have been helping with the captured Sentinels. They do not appear to be... pleased with their new surroundings so we had to shut them all down. Strange... when I tried to help them they nearly ripped a man in half... how almost tragic.  
  
Kale: (Trying very, very hard not to snort with laughter) I see... So've you by any chance seen Neo around lately?  
  
Bane: No, unfortunately. I never seem to be able... to catch... him.  
  
Kale: (Gives Brindle another Look) Well, if you see him be sure to say "hi" for us.  
  
Bane: Oh, I will... (He walks off, cracks his neck in a painful manner, and resumes muttering under his breath) Stupid fools...  
  
(Brindle and Kale start laughing hysterically once Bane is out of earshot. After their laughing fit has subsided...)  
  
Brindle: You thinking what I think you're thinking?  
  
Kale: Yup. Go call Dr. Jareth in the medical wing and tell them to get another restraint bed ready...  
  
Brindle: That would make it, what, nearly a two dozen cases now? Maybe if the virus took some acting lessons he wouldn't get caught so easily!  
  
Kale: Har har har... (suddenly lowers his voice an octave) Oh yes, those acting lessons *do* help ever so much... Mr. Kinderfeld.  
  
Brindle: Ha ha ha... (also lowers his voice) Yes they do... Mr. Tallowman.  
  
[END] 


End file.
